Thursday, June 20, 2024

Mental health Q & A

I’m a 37-year-old wife, and I’m struggling in my marriage. My husband’s behavior has become increasingly controlling, and it’s taking a toll on me. He alternates between moments of kindness and distress, making it hard for me to predict his reactions. There have been instances of physical aggression, leaving me feeling trapped and scared. Our life situations have become stressful, and I find it difficult to open up to others about what’s happening. Can you help me understand why this is happening, and how can I break free from this cycle?

Sindhu Nandakumar’s Response:
I’m truly sorry to hear about the challenges you’re facing in your marriage. It sounds like you might be caught in a pattern known as “trauma bonding.” . The alternating cycles of kindness and distress, coupled with instances of physical aggression, are classic signs of this phenomenon.

Symptoms of Trauma Bonding:

Intense Emotional Connection: Feeling deeply connected to your husband despite the pain.
Dependency: Relying on your partner for emotional support, even if it’s inconsistently provided.
Cycles of Abuse: Experiencing a repetitive pattern of abusive behavior followed by moments of kindness.
Fear of Abandonment: Strong anxiety about being alone or abandoned, making it challenging to break away.

Your Specific Situation:
It’s clear that the stress in your life situations is contributing to the challenges you’re facing. Feeling unable to speak to others about what’s happening is a common aspect of trauma bonding. It’s essential to recognize that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a courageous step towards healing.

Tips to Break Free from Trauma Bonding:

Acknowledge the Emotional Connection: Recognize the existence of this bond and understand its origins.
Seek Professional Help: Consider reaching out to a therapist specializing in trauma and relationship issues.
Build a Support System: Develop connections outside the toxic relationship, such as friends, family, or support groups.

Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself throughout this process, understanding that breaking free is challenging but courageous.
Learn Healthy Dynamics: Understand and embrace healthy relationship dynamics through therapy and self-education.

Breaking free from trauma bonding is a gradual process, and support is available. If you’re finding it challenging to open up to others, a therapist can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings and guide you toward healing. You are not alone, and your well-being is important. In case you would like to talk more about this reach out to me at

Leave a Reply